Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
