The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
