Her vagina should come with caution tape.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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