so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
