I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
