I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
