The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
