Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
