I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize