ugly people sure do ruin things
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
