I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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