I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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