Can Purell be used as lube?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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