Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize