dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
