Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
