I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
please come you make the beer taste better
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
