my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
