Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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