Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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