My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
