i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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