Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
