sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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