We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
