Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
