Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
why do cheetos always look like penises
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize