Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
