I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
