Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
