You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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