I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
