i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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