im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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