Me. At least after what I've been through.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
