i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
