Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
