I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
