Say something about gay babies.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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