will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
