Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
