Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
is it fun? or sober?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
