roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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