vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
