Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
