i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize