White coat. Heels.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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