My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
