yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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