I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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