We won't sleep together?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
