Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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