get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
