he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So vagazzling was a success
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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