I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
