My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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