so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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