Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
