If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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