Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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