moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
