Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
