If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
There are leaves in my underwear?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
