i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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