I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
