Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
