i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
