Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
