i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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