If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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