I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I need water and some morals
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
