What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
