I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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