And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
