remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
