I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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