omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
