if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize