She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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