The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize