I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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