I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
