Im at strip club and am horny
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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