we made out on top of his cat.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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