There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So many bounce houses so little time
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
