smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
