Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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