My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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