I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
