Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
