Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
