AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
