I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize